Dream on...

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Hal
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Dream on...

#1

Post by Hal »

I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was, like, 0mg!
"The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on,
nor all your Piety nor Wit
can lure it back to cancel half a line...

so....probably best use Tipp-Ex in future?"

1977 GL1000 in bits
1978 SR 500 Yam
1995 Harley Sportster/Buell street-tracker
1992 Grinnall Scorpion SC3 prototype
2002 Caterham SV 220 Evo (4 wheeled motorcycle) :mrgreen:


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Hal
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Re: Dream on...

#2

Post by Hal »

What do you call an alligator in a vest?



An investigator.
"The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on,
nor all your Piety nor Wit
can lure it back to cancel half a line...

so....probably best use Tipp-Ex in future?"

1977 GL1000 in bits
1978 SR 500 Yam
1995 Harley Sportster/Buell street-tracker
1992 Grinnall Scorpion SC3 prototype
2002 Caterham SV 220 Evo (4 wheeled motorcycle) :mrgreen:


Hal's Nalbum
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Hal
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Re: Dream on...

#3

Post by Hal »

I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high.

She looked surprised.
"The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on,
nor all your Piety nor Wit
can lure it back to cancel half a line...

so....probably best use Tipp-Ex in future?"

1977 GL1000 in bits
1978 SR 500 Yam
1995 Harley Sportster/Buell street-tracker
1992 Grinnall Scorpion SC3 prototype
2002 Caterham SV 220 Evo (4 wheeled motorcycle) :mrgreen:


Hal's Nalbum
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Hal
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Re: Dream on...

#4

Post by Hal »

Feel free to add more rubbish jokes..... ;)
"The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on,
nor all your Piety nor Wit
can lure it back to cancel half a line...

so....probably best use Tipp-Ex in future?"

1977 GL1000 in bits
1978 SR 500 Yam
1995 Harley Sportster/Buell street-tracker
1992 Grinnall Scorpion SC3 prototype
2002 Caterham SV 220 Evo (4 wheeled motorcycle) :mrgreen:


Hal's Nalbum
User avatar
Hal
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Re: Dream on...

#5

Post by Hal »

A Blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut up a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded the blonde "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!". He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!"
He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tyres. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"
"The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on,
nor all your Piety nor Wit
can lure it back to cancel half a line...

so....probably best use Tipp-Ex in future?"

1977 GL1000 in bits
1978 SR 500 Yam
1995 Harley Sportster/Buell street-tracker
1992 Grinnall Scorpion SC3 prototype
2002 Caterham SV 220 Evo (4 wheeled motorcycle) :mrgreen:


Hal's Nalbum
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Hal
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Re: Dream on...

#6

Post by Hal »

‎"Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.

"No," I said.

She gave me a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.

"No," I said.

She gave me another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen 40,000 pounds all crumpled up?"

"No," I said, intrigued.

"Well, go and take a quick look in the garage."
"The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on,
nor all your Piety nor Wit
can lure it back to cancel half a line...

so....probably best use Tipp-Ex in future?"

1977 GL1000 in bits
1978 SR 500 Yam
1995 Harley Sportster/Buell street-tracker
1992 Grinnall Scorpion SC3 prototype
2002 Caterham SV 220 Evo (4 wheeled motorcycle) :mrgreen:


Hal's Nalbum
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Hal
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Re: Dream on...

#7

Post by Hal »

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said . . .
'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,
But we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
Last edited by Hal on Tue May 14, 2013 12:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on,
nor all your Piety nor Wit
can lure it back to cancel half a line...

so....probably best use Tipp-Ex in future?"

1977 GL1000 in bits
1978 SR 500 Yam
1995 Harley Sportster/Buell street-tracker
1992 Grinnall Scorpion SC3 prototype
2002 Caterham SV 220 Evo (4 wheeled motorcycle) :mrgreen:


Hal's Nalbum
User avatar
Hal
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Posts: 2822
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Location: France

Re: Dream on...

#8

Post by Hal »

Sorry.

Normal service will be resumed asap.

:mrgreen:
"The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on,
nor all your Piety nor Wit
can lure it back to cancel half a line...

so....probably best use Tipp-Ex in future?"

1977 GL1000 in bits
1978 SR 500 Yam
1995 Harley Sportster/Buell street-tracker
1992 Grinnall Scorpion SC3 prototype
2002 Caterham SV 220 Evo (4 wheeled motorcycle) :mrgreen:


Hal's Nalbum
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zman
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Re: Dream on...

#9

Post by zman »

Nothing to add but some you have some funny ones there. :mrgreen:
1980 1100 Interstate, 1978 GL1000
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Recycled Roadkill
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Re: Dream on...

#10

Post by Recycled Roadkill »

Amazing! I have a plethora of bad/corny jokes. Can I think of one now? NO!
You go Hal! anim-cheers1
Bob Gill
Four wheels move the body but two wheels move the soul.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!
I've considered joining Insomniacs Anonymous, but I decided I'd sleep on it.

'96 Honda GL 1500A Rolling Couch (Not Naked)
'78 Honda GL 1000 Gentle Glide
'77 Honda GL 1000 Black Mamba (Sold) :(
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rogue1000
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Re: Dream on...

#11

Post by rogue1000 »

Any pics for this thread?
Brian Crow
1977 gl1000, with California sidecar
"KBO"!! Keep bungling on! Winston Churchill
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Hal
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Re: Dream on...

#12

Post by Hal »

Went to the Doctors the other day told the nurse I was having trouble with my hearing.

"What are the symptoms?" she asked

"Why, they're an American cartoon family!" I replied
"The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on,
nor all your Piety nor Wit
can lure it back to cancel half a line...

so....probably best use Tipp-Ex in future?"

1977 GL1000 in bits
1978 SR 500 Yam
1995 Harley Sportster/Buell street-tracker
1992 Grinnall Scorpion SC3 prototype
2002 Caterham SV 220 Evo (4 wheeled motorcycle) :mrgreen:


Hal's Nalbum
User avatar
Hal
True Blue Steel Biker
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Posts: 2822
Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2010 5:00 pm
Location: France

Re: Dream on...

#13

Post by Hal »

I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first come out.

When I say "bought",I mean I stole it off a short/fat ginger kid.
"The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on,
nor all your Piety nor Wit
can lure it back to cancel half a line...

so....probably best use Tipp-Ex in future?"

1977 GL1000 in bits
1978 SR 500 Yam
1995 Harley Sportster/Buell street-tracker
1992 Grinnall Scorpion SC3 prototype
2002 Caterham SV 220 Evo (4 wheeled motorcycle) :mrgreen:


Hal's Nalbum
User avatar
Hal
True Blue Steel Biker
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Posts: 2822
Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2010 5:00 pm
Location: France

Re: Dream on...

#14

Post by Hal »

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra but accidentally swigged from a bottle of Liquid Paper instead.

I woke this morning with a huge correction
"The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on,
nor all your Piety nor Wit
can lure it back to cancel half a line...

so....probably best use Tipp-Ex in future?"

1977 GL1000 in bits
1978 SR 500 Yam
1995 Harley Sportster/Buell street-tracker
1992 Grinnall Scorpion SC3 prototype
2002 Caterham SV 220 Evo (4 wheeled motorcycle) :mrgreen:


Hal's Nalbum
User avatar
Hal
True Blue Steel Biker
True Blue Steel Biker
Posts: 2822
Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2010 5:00 pm
Location: France

Re: Dream on...

#15

Post by Hal »

A man was involved in a car crash and was taken to hospital unconscious. He woke up in a small side ward with three other beds. When the man in the bed opposite saw he was awake, he called out at the top of his voice: "Wee, sleekit, cow'rin' tim'rous beastie! Oh, what a panic's in thy breastie!"

The man in the adjacent bed joined in: "Fair fa' yer honest sonsie face! Great chieftain o' the puddin' race!"

Not to be outdone, the man in the diagonally opposite bed shouted out: "When chapman billies leave the street, And drouthy neighbours, neighbours meet!"
Now in a real panic, our man rang for the nurse, who arrived in a few moments.

"Nurse, nurse, where am I?" he asked, fearing he had been locked up in a mental asylum.

"Calm down, now, everything's all right," the nurse replied. "You're in the Burns Unit."
"The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on,
nor all your Piety nor Wit
can lure it back to cancel half a line...

so....probably best use Tipp-Ex in future?"

1977 GL1000 in bits
1978 SR 500 Yam
1995 Harley Sportster/Buell street-tracker
1992 Grinnall Scorpion SC3 prototype
2002 Caterham SV 220 Evo (4 wheeled motorcycle) :mrgreen:


Hal's Nalbum
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